Why Hookup Culture Isn't Taking Us Anywhere

As I am typing this, I am making a conscious effort not to turn my whole argument into a mindless rant against Hookup culture. I am even going to acknowledge its good sides, even if I am now sure that it is taking us millennials to a dead end.

For those who don’t know, Wikipedia describes the Hookup culture as “one that accepts and encourages casual sexual encounters as well as casual sexual relationships, one-night stands and other related activity, focusing on physical pleasure without necessarily including emotional bonding or long-term commitment.”

Pretty straightforward, but what this definition doesn’t say the most important thing: that it is ruining e-ve-ry-thing. Months after breaking up with my 2-year boyfriend, I decided to dive back in the dating pool. But I am in the US now, and that means I have to go by the rules. So I tried casual dating for the first time.

Flashback, 3 weeks ago: my friend is raving about this gooorgeous guy she met on Tinder, and convinces me to try the app. I resist for a while, and there I am, on a Friday night at 11:30PM, tindering away in the comfort of my bed (it’s not as creepy as it sounds, I promise). I have to say it is pretty fun to swipe (mostly) left and right, and kind of see if the guys you like like you too!
I ended up with a few matches – ballinnnn’ – that I brought down to 3 after a few days of severe filtering (topless pictures, sunglasses at night, you get it).
After texting back and forth, I have 3 date offers…on the same day!

Problem 1: wanting to “date around” and have options can be cool…and overwhelming.
After managing to see the 3 guys – on different days – I decide to focus on the one I liked best (I know that sounds awful, but hey…I’m a newbie to the dating game!)…and this is where it all goes downhill…and why I think Hookup culture isn’t taking us anywhere.

Problem 2: texting.
From where I’m from, if you like someone, you text them when you want to, they reply, and after getting to know the basics about each other, you move on to actual phone calls (remember those?) and lunch/dinner dates. Now that I am in the US, I’m surprised at how stressing it can be to like someone.
The day after the first date – and a kiss…don’t judge me – with the guy-I-liked-best (let’s call him Peter), I proceeded to ask my friend if it was okay to text him. “He didn’t text you first?? Noo, you have to let him text you first!”
Although it can be fun, this game gets exhausting: we stress about who texted first, because the person who does ends up being the person who cares more, and nobody wants to be that person no matter how strongly they feel about the other.

Problem 3: playing it cool.
After waiting for a full week, Peter* finally texts me something like “Hey what’s up?” and at this point I’m not even mad. I’m too busy trying to not sound needy, or too happy to finally hear from him. And after a weeklong, awkward back and forth of short, detached and casual messages, we set up a date for a second date. Note that by “set up”, I mean Peter* said “we should do it again sometime”, and I said yes.

Problem 4: playing it way too cool.
Date #2 never happened. Peter* had to work late, and notified me of this change of plans…the day after. In my book, it’s a red flag, but as I asked around, it seemed to be a normal thing. After all, we’re just casually dating.

Problem 5: post-hookup behavior.
Flash-forward, days later: we’ve been texting back and forth, we’re a bit more comfortable with each other, we even kissed, so I’m thinking “I LIKE YOU, like A LOT”, which I translate as: “I’m going to a party with some friends, wanna join?”
At the party, it is pretty clear to all my friends that Peter* is my date, and that we like each other, PDA and all.

Problem 6: getting closer that night didn’t change anything.
Present day: still exchanging short, detached, casual messages. Are you thinking “all this for that?” Yeah, me too (I actually stopped texting).

If I have learned something from this whole thing, it's that hookup culture can be a fun, carefree way to date around and have multiple options. After all, the early twenties are when we have the most fun and we get to explore and discover new things and new people. But I'm just not ready for the sporadic texting and the unsure dates.

How To Survive Interning

(Insert dream internship picture here ⇑)

In my mind, there was always something frightening in the association of the word “internship” to the expression "to pay your dues". All the people I know who were interns before me warned me with that phrase, and I didn't quite understand this until I landed my first internship.

Now I didn't do the whole "go order my lunch", "pick up my laundry” or "go clean the toilets" kind of stuff - thank God, because we know that happens - but I did realize what it was to have my name called every 10 seconds for a technical task, to be yelled at when stuff wasn't working even if I had nothing to do with it, and to be stressed out everyday with the fear or getting fired anytime.

I have done several internships in very different companies (all in Marketing, communication and PR though) and I thought I would give some feedback and advice to some of you out there who are trying to survive in what I call the Intern Battlefield. Here are a few tips on how to survive being an intern:

1- Don't take it personal.

I know it's easier said than done, but don't. The first time I was actually yelled at, I thought my work was crap, that I was a horrible intern, and that my boss would hate me forever. And the next morning, they greeted me and joked around like nothing happened. I was confused, but you quickly realize that stress (of deadlines and important meetings) can bring the worst out of people. But it is never about you; actually it's never about you, you're just the intern. So suck it up, try to do better so they never have to yell again, and DO NOT show that it affected you. Which brings me to my next point.

2- "If you have to cry, go outside."

Kelly Cutrone could not have said it better. Luckily, the yelling episode took place just before I left the office, so I had all the time and space to cry in the subway. I may have been pathetic, but there was no way I was going to cry in front of my boss and peers. It sounds harsh, but nobody will feel for you. Being yelled at (and worse than this) happened to pretty much everyone in the office at least once, and you don't want to be the one who cried. But this doesn't mean you shouldn’t stand up for yourself.

3- Communicate with your supervisor.

Halfway through my internships, I always go to my supervisor to ask for feedback on my work. I need to know that I’m doing it right (you don’t need to go every week: usually if you’re doing it wrong, they’ll let you know) and if there are things that I can optimize. You’ll probably be pleasantly surprised of what they tell you, and it’s a good way to address problems in an effective way. Also, your boss will know that you are truly interested in this internship, and eager to learn more.

4- Be proactive!

If you are in a big corporation, chances are your supervisors won’t always have time to give you work to do, and sitting at your desk waiting won’t help. Even when you don’t know the processes and you feel that you’re being left out, get up and go ask if anyone needs help. Someone always does, and they don’t always think about asking you. It can start with photocopies and other administrative tasks, but if you keep showing interest, your colleagues will remember that you’re around and will ask you for help. If it doesn’t happen, have a conversation with your boss at a time when they’re not too stressed out (lunch break, Friday evening) and tell them how you feel. Keep doing it (one time, I had to ask for work for 2 weeks before having a real role in the team. I was a pain to everyone, but now they always include me in the work they do).

5- Leave Facebook at the door.

I know what you’re thinking: “everybody does it”, and it’s true. The bosses, managers, supervisors check their Facebook/Twitter pages from time to time (lol, sneaky), but they already have their job, a schedule, and they deliver. The intern – you – will be blamed for being on Facebook while they should be working, because they’re supposed to learn, and pay attention at all times. Even if you don’t have much work, it just looks bad…Gotta love that #InternLife.

6- Be the best person you can be.

I should've written this first, but I want you to remember this point even more than the others. It should be obvious, but in today's world, it's not anymore. Being polite, kind, and considerate to EVERYONE (including those who give you a hard time) is the key to being remembered and appreciated in order to build and use your professional network in the future.

Now, don't get me wrong here: you should never be submissive or fake. But you must create strong relationships with your colleagues and peers. Plus, it's just about common courtesy.

I hope these tips helped all my fellow interns out there, and if you have other tips on surviving in the Internship Jungle, feel free to leave a comment below, and share this article so that others can join the discussion. Good luck on your internship!

Bisous, Brigitte