Why Hookup Culture Isn't Taking Us Anywhere

As I am typing this, I am making a conscious effort not to turn my whole argument into a mindless rant against Hookup culture. I am even going to acknowledge its good sides, even if I am now sure that it is taking us millennials to a dead end.

For those who don’t know, Wikipedia describes the Hookup culture as “one that accepts and encourages casual sexual encounters as well as casual sexual relationships, one-night stands and other related activity, focusing on physical pleasure without necessarily including emotional bonding or long-term commitment.”

Pretty straightforward, but what this definition doesn’t say the most important thing: that it is ruining e-ve-ry-thing. Months after breaking up with my 2-year boyfriend, I decided to dive back in the dating pool. But I am in the US now, and that means I have to go by the rules. So I tried casual dating for the first time.

Flashback, 3 weeks ago: my friend is raving about this gooorgeous guy she met on Tinder, and convinces me to try the app. I resist for a while, and there I am, on a Friday night at 11:30PM, tindering away in the comfort of my bed (it’s not as creepy as it sounds, I promise). I have to say it is pretty fun to swipe (mostly) left and right, and kind of see if the guys you like like you too!
I ended up with a few matches – ballinnnn’ – that I brought down to 3 after a few days of severe filtering (topless pictures, sunglasses at night, you get it).
After texting back and forth, I have 3 date offers…on the same day!

Problem 1: wanting to “date around” and have options can be cool…and overwhelming.
After managing to see the 3 guys – on different days – I decide to focus on the one I liked best (I know that sounds awful, but hey…I’m a newbie to the dating game!)…and this is where it all goes downhill…and why I think Hookup culture isn’t taking us anywhere.

Problem 2: texting.
From where I’m from, if you like someone, you text them when you want to, they reply, and after getting to know the basics about each other, you move on to actual phone calls (remember those?) and lunch/dinner dates. Now that I am in the US, I’m surprised at how stressing it can be to like someone.
The day after the first date – and a kiss…don’t judge me – with the guy-I-liked-best (let’s call him Peter), I proceeded to ask my friend if it was okay to text him. “He didn’t text you first?? Noo, you have to let him text you first!”
Although it can be fun, this game gets exhausting: we stress about who texted first, because the person who does ends up being the person who cares more, and nobody wants to be that person no matter how strongly they feel about the other.

Problem 3: playing it cool.
After waiting for a full week, Peter* finally texts me something like “Hey what’s up?” and at this point I’m not even mad. I’m too busy trying to not sound needy, or too happy to finally hear from him. And after a weeklong, awkward back and forth of short, detached and casual messages, we set up a date for a second date. Note that by “set up”, I mean Peter* said “we should do it again sometime”, and I said yes.

Problem 4: playing it way too cool.
Date #2 never happened. Peter* had to work late, and notified me of this change of plans…the day after. In my book, it’s a red flag, but as I asked around, it seemed to be a normal thing. After all, we’re just casually dating.

Problem 5: post-hookup behavior.
Flash-forward, days later: we’ve been texting back and forth, we’re a bit more comfortable with each other, we even kissed, so I’m thinking “I LIKE YOU, like A LOT”, which I translate as: “I’m going to a party with some friends, wanna join?”
At the party, it is pretty clear to all my friends that Peter* is my date, and that we like each other, PDA and all.

Problem 6: getting closer that night didn’t change anything.
Present day: still exchanging short, detached, casual messages. Are you thinking “all this for that?” Yeah, me too (I actually stopped texting).

If I have learned something from this whole thing, it's that hookup culture can be a fun, carefree way to date around and have multiple options. After all, the early twenties are when we have the most fun and we get to explore and discover new things and new people. But I'm just not ready for the sporadic texting and the unsure dates.

How To Survive Interning

(Insert dream internship picture here ⇑)

In my mind, there was always something frightening in the association of the word “internship” to the expression "to pay your dues". All the people I know who were interns before me warned me with that phrase, and I didn't quite understand this until I landed my first internship.

Now I didn't do the whole "go order my lunch", "pick up my laundry” or "go clean the toilets" kind of stuff - thank God, because we know that happens - but I did realize what it was to have my name called every 10 seconds for a technical task, to be yelled at when stuff wasn't working even if I had nothing to do with it, and to be stressed out everyday with the fear or getting fired anytime.

I have done several internships in very different companies (all in Marketing, communication and PR though) and I thought I would give some feedback and advice to some of you out there who are trying to survive in what I call the Intern Battlefield. Here are a few tips on how to survive being an intern:

1- Don't take it personal.

I know it's easier said than done, but don't. The first time I was actually yelled at, I thought my work was crap, that I was a horrible intern, and that my boss would hate me forever. And the next morning, they greeted me and joked around like nothing happened. I was confused, but you quickly realize that stress (of deadlines and important meetings) can bring the worst out of people. But it is never about you; actually it's never about you, you're just the intern. So suck it up, try to do better so they never have to yell again, and DO NOT show that it affected you. Which brings me to my next point.

2- "If you have to cry, go outside."

Kelly Cutrone could not have said it better. Luckily, the yelling episode took place just before I left the office, so I had all the time and space to cry in the subway. I may have been pathetic, but there was no way I was going to cry in front of my boss and peers. It sounds harsh, but nobody will feel for you. Being yelled at (and worse than this) happened to pretty much everyone in the office at least once, and you don't want to be the one who cried. But this doesn't mean you shouldn’t stand up for yourself.

3- Communicate with your supervisor.

Halfway through my internships, I always go to my supervisor to ask for feedback on my work. I need to know that I’m doing it right (you don’t need to go every week: usually if you’re doing it wrong, they’ll let you know) and if there are things that I can optimize. You’ll probably be pleasantly surprised of what they tell you, and it’s a good way to address problems in an effective way. Also, your boss will know that you are truly interested in this internship, and eager to learn more.

4- Be proactive!

If you are in a big corporation, chances are your supervisors won’t always have time to give you work to do, and sitting at your desk waiting won’t help. Even when you don’t know the processes and you feel that you’re being left out, get up and go ask if anyone needs help. Someone always does, and they don’t always think about asking you. It can start with photocopies and other administrative tasks, but if you keep showing interest, your colleagues will remember that you’re around and will ask you for help. If it doesn’t happen, have a conversation with your boss at a time when they’re not too stressed out (lunch break, Friday evening) and tell them how you feel. Keep doing it (one time, I had to ask for work for 2 weeks before having a real role in the team. I was a pain to everyone, but now they always include me in the work they do).

5- Leave Facebook at the door.

I know what you’re thinking: “everybody does it”, and it’s true. The bosses, managers, supervisors check their Facebook/Twitter pages from time to time (lol, sneaky), but they already have their job, a schedule, and they deliver. The intern – you – will be blamed for being on Facebook while they should be working, because they’re supposed to learn, and pay attention at all times. Even if you don’t have much work, it just looks bad…Gotta love that #InternLife.

6- Be the best person you can be.

I should've written this first, but I want you to remember this point even more than the others. It should be obvious, but in today's world, it's not anymore. Being polite, kind, and considerate to EVERYONE (including those who give you a hard time) is the key to being remembered and appreciated in order to build and use your professional network in the future.

Now, don't get me wrong here: you should never be submissive or fake. But you must create strong relationships with your colleagues and peers. Plus, it's just about common courtesy.

I hope these tips helped all my fellow interns out there, and if you have other tips on surviving in the Internship Jungle, feel free to leave a comment below, and share this article so that others can join the discussion. Good luck on your internship!

Bisous, Brigitte

Unfaithful

Commitment is not easy, even when you know it's the better way. Temptation is everywhere, and it's powerful, and I was weak.

See, sometimes your head says no, but your body shouts yes, you give up, and you end up hating yourself but decide "it was only this one time"...until you do it again. I've been unfaithful, and I don't know if I really regret it to be honest.

I had promised myself to finally LOSE SOME WEIGHT and get fit, but my dad had to get home with a bag of croissants for breakfast. And I cheated. 1, 2, 3 croissants, the same day. I know, horrific.

Staying fit, I have to admit, is a challenge for me. I feel like a yo-yo, I go down a little, and before I've had a chance to celebrate, I go back up right away. I've tried diets, pills, exercise (kinda)...And yet, nothing.

Now mind you, I am a size 8 for tops and 10 for bottoms (I have big hips...) for a height of 5'7, and most people ask me why I want to lose weight. And this got me thinking: why do I even want to lose weight? I'm not that fat. I'm not fat at all. And I realized that I would look at skinny girls and think: "how cool, her thighs don't even touch." And it hit me: they (society) got me. Its unrealistic standard got to my brains and changed my judgement of what's beautiful, even though months ago I was writing about how stupid the thigh gap trend was. Now, I catch myself looking at the curves I was once proud of with regret. Yes, I admit it, I sometimes wish I was skinny.

Fashionistas will understand the deception I get when the clothes that I ordered online don't fall on my body the same way as on the website, and even if I know I am not that model, who is supposed to be skinny for the clothes to be visible in all their glory, I secretly get disappointed.

Is fashion and social media destroying our sense of self esteem? Everywhere I go - literally - all I hear about is "this new diet" and "that smoothie recipe." Some women I know don't even eat for pleasure anymore, and I am one of them. I beat myself up and feel guilty for eating a pastry - or two, and I don't know anymore if I am actually overweight, or if it's in my head, or a little bit of both. We keep writing articles about fashion and its unrealistic standards of beauty, but as far as I know, that standard is getting more and more popular, to the point where eating pizza for dinner is pretty much cheating on my body.

I do want to be healthy, and it's a person right to aspire to a certain shape and weight, but I think we should all stop and look at ourselves, naked, in a mirror, and be honest. Do we really need to drink kale juice for breakfast?

Parisian Summers: Styling My Leather Loafers

I stumbled on this gorgeous pair of ASOS Black and White loafers right before flying to Paris for the summer. And even though I had decided NOT to shop this month, I fell in love with these chunky heels and that gold chain! These babies were my excuse to get my Tom Boy style on!

As I will be interning for a major company this summer, I am trying to pull business/casual looks that I can wear in and out of the office. Luckily, my future boss let me know that I could wear pretty much what I wanted as long as it was decent, so I simply paired my loafers with a white, sheer shirt (with a vest underneath), and black pants. I feel like the loafers give a more unique look than just plain black ballet pumps.

Summer is here and it's getting warmer, but that doesn't mean I can go out with just a cotton shirt just yet, especially in the streets of Paris, so I threw on an oversized black blazer (my brother's) to keep me warm in the morning.

I'm sure I'm not the only one getting ready for the office life, so I will have a lot more summer/workwear lookbooks coming! I hope they'll help inspire you.

xx,

Brigitte

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My Everyday Makeup Routine

So I have been trying to improve my makeup skills, and - believe me - it took time for me to make progress. I'm not exactly into heavy makeup, and I think using very few products works best for me. I decided to snap and share with you my current "everyday" makeup routine (for the rare days I do put makeup on, that is). Hope you enjoy!

Bare face (excuse the makeup stains on my towel, I think I ran out of paper towels that day...) + Coconut and Shae butter; this thing is the bomb. Makes my skin super soft and keeps it from drying out at the end of the day.

Moving on to the concealer: I use the concealer from my Sephora Palette. It's kind of light for me, but it works wonders with my foundation from MAC. Forgive my awkward smile!

I don't own a contour kit because I thought I could use the eye shadows from my palette. That might seem crazy, but it actually works!

I used the dark brown eye shadow under my cheekbones, under my chin, and on my eye lid to give my eyes more definition. Note I don't use it on the sides of my nose. My nose is broader, and I don't feel the need to make it thiner, so I keep it that way. It's also relatively straight, so I don't need to enhance its sides. I do put concealer on the bridge, which I think is enough.

To top off my look, I added eye liner, for a settle winged eye, a coat of mascara, some dark red lip-liner and pink lipstick. And that's my finished look for the day!

Items used:

Homemade Coconut and Shae butter mix

Sephora Makeup Academy Palette Concealers

MAC Matchmaster SPF 15 Foundation

Claire's Eye Liner

Burgundy Lip Line

MAC Lust Plumful AB2 Lipstick

The Beauty Expo

I have been going to a lot of fashion events in SF recently, but only this time did I have time to snap pictures. I was working at one of them, and having too much fun at the other one! However I thought I'd show what I wore for The Beauty Expo on May 4th. It was my first time, and didn't really know what to put on, so I decided to go casual.

The Beauty Expo is a hair and makeup showcase held annually in San Francisco, and also a styling competition mixed with a networking event. This time around, bloggers competed for the best street style, and the winner won a JustFab bag (I was jealous)! It was nice to mingle with fashion industry professionals; I certainly plan to go again!

Anyway, the pictures I took will probably tell a better story.

Bisous,

Brigitte.

FLASHNEWS: I wanted to let you guys know that I am now a contributor at HerCampus (yaay), a college lifestyle online magazine. Feel free to check out the latest posts: "2 Ways of Styling Overalls", and "How to Shop Smarter"!!

Shirt: random vintage shop on Haight Street

Jeans: H&M

Flatforms: H&M

Purse: random shop in Paris

Earings; Buffalo Exchange

 

Power Breakfast: A Twist to the Traditional Yogurt & Granola

I absolutely love my Yogurt & Granola, and I know I'm not the only one. Whether I want a power breakfast or a fiber-rich snack, this is my go-to recipe. But as much as I like the taste of it, the plain Yogurt and Granola combination can get a bit old over time. So, I decided to add a little twist to it: watermelon!

The original idea came from Spencer (the boo), and I thought it would never work! But I tried it and I was sold. While Yogurt and Granola are delicious together, I always felt the need to drink water while eating, as it can feel a bit dry. Watermelon was the perfect ingredient for added freshness and hydration.

It does also provide you with the carbs, protein and a portion of the value of fiber you need everyday, and it can help with weight loss. It is naturally sweet, which can help with sugar cravings.

Finally, every wedge of watermelon is packed with Vitamins A and C (up to 33 and 39% of your daily needs!).

The recipe for this Power Breakfast is more than simple. Just get your usual yogurt (I use a nonfat plain greek yogurt), your favorite granola (mine is Mixed Berry granola or Almond granola with dried fruits), one banana and a wedge of watermelon cut in small pieces. Mix it all up, add a bit of honey, and enjoy the fresh, creamy goodness while getting ready for Spring Break!

Bisous, Brigitte

(Excuse my messy hair, the sun felt so good I had to get out there and snap a pic!)

Blue Vintage - Style Never Goes Out of Style

This post will just be about an outftit that I put together by going through my old stuff. And when I say old, this "skirt" is really, really old. This is actually a summer dress that I bought in a street shop in Paris, back in 2011. I never wore it, and when I saw that mid-length skirts were in this Spring, I thought maybe it was her moment.

I have been into recycling old clothes for a while now. Before that, I thought that as a blogger, I should be able to buy new clothes every other week to deliver to my readers. Nonsense! I think the idea is to share useful ideas for people in search of their unique style. Style shouldn't be about having new clothes. And being a student, I thank the heavens for that.
I believe that you can do wonder with a bit of imagination and a few skills at mixing and matching, and this what I try to do now (I still like to go shopping, don't get me wrong).

It was so easy to just throw a denim shirt on it to give it this classy Vintage look. I added some black heels, a black clutch, and I was out the door.

Looking back, I am not sure about the brown belt. I like the size, but maybe I can switch it up with something a bit harder. That's the thing with experimenting, you make mistakes. But I was happy I created a brand new outfit with my old clothes. I plan on creating more outfit to see where this dress can take its legacy, she deserves it after all, having been waiting around in my closet for three years now.

I hope you like this post, until next time!

Bisous, Brigitte

Peep more pics down below:

Photo Credit: Spencer Goble